Learning & Changing

Birthday!!

2009-03-17T08:47:00.003-04:00

My birthday is in 10 more days and I still have no clue what I am going to do....
I wanted to go to Ozio's or Lux Lounge with my girls to go dancing, but I will see...If you have any birthday ideas let me know....

Weekend

2009-03-16T08:22:00.003-04:00

This weekend was so BUSY.....

Friday - Went to the movies with Rookie Ralph and it was like old times. I felt so comfortable with him and we discussed our prior relationship. I explained to him that I wouldn't be able to trust him and think his feelings where hurt, but its the Truth and what! The truth will set US free lol....I don't think he like that response b/c I haven't talked to him since Saturday morning lol. After the movie I went to my mentoring session with the Teen girls that I mentor and we talked about Judgement which was really good.

Saturday - Took my friend to get her taxes done and she did not have all that she needed so it was a waste. Went to the mall and shopped for 2 hours for a event on Saturday (3-21) I found everything else but what I wanted to wear :o). Then my girls and I went to a passion party and had a ball. I feel so out of the loop with this sex thing! I feel like a virgin all over!

Sunday - Sleep a little late and went to the movies and dinner with Lovesick Larry and we had a nice time. We had good conversation and good food. We cuddled a little and it was nice.

Now back to work.....Everyone have a happy Monday!

Missing in Action

2009-03-11T11:33:00.004-04:00

Hello Hello,

Just wanted to give you an update...The ex and I are moving on and I feel better I lost weight and I am looking great :o) I have been taking this time to find out who I am! I have been doing a lot of little mini trips to Deep Creek, MD & Lancaster , PA! Of course now that many people (guys) know that I am single they have been wanting to take me out! I have gone out with a few of them but I am not ready for the single life yet so I have been hiding kind of. I have set standards for my the people I date:

GOD - must have and be involved in church in some shape of form

NO KIDS - No more baby mama drama

DEED/LEASE - must have their own spot

WHEELS - have to have a care how are we going to get around :o)

JOB - JOB is necessary to BE WITH ME (who is going to pay for my dinner and movie)

SWEET - not gay but thoughtful and caring

Patience - I'm moody what can I say

Fun - we have to have fun together

Communicate - have to be able to talk about real world issues

Sounds like a lot but the last two relationships where a dozy! I have to set standards and stick with them and not settle.

I have been hanging out with 3 guys lately:

Guy#1 I will call him Confused Calvin because he says he only wants to be friends but he has made several remarks about me moving with him and us getting married.

1 daughter who is 8th grade, 40 years old, job, Nissan, funny, communicates

Well he we go...So we have gone out to dinner twice and he told me he was 36 years old. Now I am 28 about to turn 29 so I didn't think that the age would matter, I just wasn't ok with him having a daughter in 8th grade. Well ladies and gents he lied about his age he is really 40 i do not want to be in a relationship with anyone who is 10 years older than me. So he lied then we where having a discussion on the phone the other day about raises. He was telling me about why he should get a 8,000 raise and I was telling him why he shouldn't. Either way i didn't want him to be disappointed when he didn't get 8,000 but if he received 4,000. Will this dude hung up on me. He said he didn't but he did that is one of my pet peeves. DO NOT HANG UP ON ME.

Guy#2 I will call him Rookie Ralphy because he has a girlfriend but we still hang out but there are boundaries. He has 2 kids, just started working about a week ago, takes care of his mother, has a girlfriend, has cars, caring did I mention he has a girlfriend. I mostly talk to him on the phone he is good company when it comes to the phone and I make sure at all times he stays in his lane. He takes care of his mother and two little brothers and is more responsible than when we where together. But there is nothing there!

Guy#3 I will call him Lovesick Larry this guy and I have been friends since we have grown up. He has treated me the way I never thought I should be treated. For Valentine's Day I was overwhelmed with emotions when he treated me to a spa day. I got a mani, pedi, facal and a message and then we went to dinner. No kids, kind of shy, job, car, house and loves God. Need I say more!

I have mostly been spend time with the the ladies, which has been fun. We went on a all GIRLS trip to Deep creek and had a ball. "What happens in Deep Creek stays in Deep Creek" sorry I cant tell you more, because they might hunt me down and tie me up to the railroad tracks and wait for a train lol.

My attitude has been great I haven't had many bad days and I am still doing Gods' will.....Every morning I thank him for breath, life and the trials and tribulation that I go through and learn from.

Feeling down...

2009-01-23T08:58:00.003-05:00

For the last 2 days I have really been going though...Just when I thought everything was under control. I have been feeling blue for a couple of days now. I have been feeling unloved! My mother is mad b/c I owe her money, but I can not give her something I do not have! I don't want to date! I have friends who are really nice but I don't want to be bothered. My job is another issue. I am bored at work, my contracting company is trying to get over!
I am just having some bad days and I really feel down! Really Down! I haven't felt this low in a while....I have been trying to hold it together but I feel like I am going to explode. I really don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I have a few wonderful friends, but I do not want to keep calling them and complaining about my issues.
I tried to focus on God more and I just begin to cry! I know how good he is, but I want the love of a human, a touch from a human, conversation with a human.

Cancelled Wedding

2008-12-12T16:38:00.002-05:00

This whole wedding thing started off wrong all together.
I thought I could fix and help him, but all alone I was depriving myself.
He want his mother to walk him down the aisle. What! You don't even walk
down the aisle, but that fine.
I want to be involved, but he didn't meet with anyone or talk to anyone,
he didn't schedule apts. What does he want to help with?

Marriage Counseling was an EYE opener :o) I recommend it for everyone,
before you get married (Pre marital counseling). That is when I realized that
this wasn't going to work. We were total opposite. I am out going he isn't, I am
adventurous. He isn't. Why did it take so long for me to see this.
I am thankful for God. During the course of the time of the counseling and as
months drew closer God spoke to me.
I want God to fix something that want ordained by him!
What nerve do I have to ask him to ok something that he isn't ok with.
I have a true understanding and heard him the whole time.
I learned a lot out of this relationship. MEN = Respect WOMEN = LOVE.
I know what I am going to deal with and what I am not going to deal with
I am going to consult God before I mess with anyone from this point on.
I am going to work on Drawing closer to God so that I don't make any mistakes.
Not that this was a mistake it was a trial and I got through it. It just hurts when your
heart is involved.
I am going to allow God to Use me!
Signing off as the Single Again

Official..

2008-12-12T16:21:00.003-05:00

So we have been broken up 5 days now and at first I was ok just a little sad because I will not see the kids, but now the weekend is hear I am going to see how I will survive. I am going to clean up and pack the rest of his stuff up tonight and during the rest of the weekend and store it away until he gets it.
I haven't gotten any sleep or eaten a real meal in 5 days and I am trying to snap out of it. I know I am human but this is burning my heart. When he was there I was lonely, but able to see him and now he is gone I am lonely.

I will be spending a lot of time with God over the course of the month to draw closer to him so that my heart can heal faster.

I am strong and I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T LOL..

It's a rap!

2008-12-08T19:22:00.002-05:00

It is a rap!!
We just broke up!!! He doesn't think it is going to work!! LOL
Men are so funny! You might be thinking why am I laughing this is sooo sad. But you know I just keep remembering GOD is in control...No matter what happens!! I was unhappy!! He was unhappy!!! Damn I am hurt.....We just finish talking and he said he is going over his friends house....He will be back tomorrow to pick up his stuff. I guess I have to swallow this and move on. Oh well...

Relationships....blah

2008-12-08T12:57:00.002-05:00

OK...Here we go! After everything that has happen between my fiance' and I, I do not think it will every be the same. This week he has been working a lot all crazy ours and stuff like that and I had his daughter who I might mention hasn't spent any time with him at all this weekend. This gave me a lot of time to really think and look at things with our relationship and what I really want and deserve. I think this might be it ladies and gents. No wedding. No sex. No affection. No nothing..But oh well! I have to do what is best for me and my future.
I will say that I have learned a lot from this relationship. I do not want to mess with anyone else with kids. I want my man allll to myself! LOL..
I think I was really hung up on the whole wedding thing. The dresses, cake and food.

I know I am going to be heart broken for a minute and a little lonely, but like before I will get though it. I rather take care of everything now then waiting until I am walking down the aisle. What the heck am I going to do with my wedding dress :o( Oh well!

Exercise and Eating Regiment

2008-12-04T12:41:00.002-05:00

Starting December 2008

because of my new found dress size..I decided to start a exercise and eating regiment to start my weight lose until March/April !
I weighed 182 lbs and now I am down to 175.

So far I have exercised 2 days this week Mon and Wed and feel good. I am really motivated, but that is how it always start. :o(
I have cut back on having a lot of junk food which I love and have been drinking less soda (maybe 1 or 2 a week) and sweet drinks. I only drank milk and water. I know it sounds boring. LOL

I bring my lunch to work everyday along with snacks. I eat 5 to 6 small meals each day and exercise with Jillian Micheal's everyday. Her work out plan consist of 5 DVD's for a 5 day duration (2 upper body, 2 lower body and 1 cardio). Each workout is 30 minutes long.

It has been really hard work, but by the summer I would love to have a healthier heart, lower cholesterol and not to mention be in a size 8 or 10 :o)

Bridesmaid Fitting

2008-12-04T12:31:00.002-05:00

My bridesmaids went to get there dresses fitting this weekend. It first started off with everyone being late one girl not showing up, but after the dust settled EVERYTHING was GREAT! The two girls who came found their dress and one girl brought hers which was exciting. During the fitting my mother suggested that I find the dress that I bought and try it on. The only size they had was a 12....Well my dress was a 14 she said she just wanted to see how the colors would look..Well I tried the 12 on and HOT DOG I could fit it. I have lose 1 dress sides since I have starting watching what I eat and exercising.
You know I am so so happy...

An addition to the Family :o)

2008-11-26T10:00:00.003-05:00

Brian Nicholas

6 lb 6oz

I have a new little man in my life he was born 11/25/2008 @ 4pm. I am so excited and will be updating everyone with new pictures and all. Bloggers please welcome my Nephew.

Reflection..

2008-11-25T11:43:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up reflecting back on my life...
All the wonderful things God brought me out of, through and what's to come.
I thought about the times I should have died because of some of the stupid choices I made in the pass.
I know that God has a purpose for me and I want so bad to make Him proud of me. He sent his Son to die for my sins and I am so thankful.
A while back I didn't realize how much one Man (God) could love me that he sent his only begotten son (John 3:16).
Now what man do you know that would go that far for you?
I know Thanksgiving is in 2 days but I am Thankful everyday and I couldn't even know where to end with all the things I am thankful for.
I look at where I came from and where I am going and the outcome looks b-e-atiful.
I don't know why it took me so long to live for God, but I am happy that I decided to. Who knows where I would be....

Do you know where you are headed?

Update...

2008-11-21T11:35:00.002-05:00

Everything has worked out...
We decided just to wait until April to get married and work on us as a couple. We decided to make 3 changes in our relationship:
1. Read Gods word together
2. Pray together
3. Pay more attention to one another needs

I think that everything will be find just because we both believe in God and we both want this to work.

Changing my mind

2008-11-19T01:41:00.005-05:00

It is 1:41 in the morning and I am up hurting..Why?
Because my soon to be husband and I have been auguring every other day for the last 2 weeks and I am tired of auguring. I know relationships have problems but dang....I am having second thoughts about getting married. We are suppose to get married this Sunday Nov 23, but we aren't. I can't...
It all started this afternoon..I don't want to go on a honeymoon big or small after Sunday because we have some other household responsibilities that I feel are more important. Well he wants to go..I tried to explain to him the financial aspect of going and he seemed a little sad. I am a sucker for making people happy despite how I feel about it. Call me a softy LOL So I spent some time on the Internet to find something that would be close and nice. I did and it was $442 I called and told him that I found a spot and he went into this whole thing about me being indecisive because I don't know if I want to go or not. I don't want to go I was just doing this to make him happy. It turn into something else and he hung up on me. Hello Hello I know he did not hang up on me.......
I get home and I lay him out. Not carrying about his feelings I Exploded. The bible states "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry Eph. 4:26" so I already messed up by sinning in my anger. But I did not want to go to sleep angry, so I got my thoughts together and apologized for my actions and he acted as though I wasn't even there. So I went back and continued doing what I was doing and went to sleep.
He is sleep right now but I will see what his morning brings.

Forgiveness...

2008-11-06T08:39:00.006-05:00

Remember being a child and when a little kid took your toy or pushed you down you will be playing again in the next 5 sec as though nothing had ever happend. LOL
As an adult when someone does or say something that offends us we hold a grudge. We dont talk to them anymore or stop being their friend all together.
Imagine God treating us like we treat some of our peers or associates today.
God sees and knows all...That drank you had last night "He saw you", that lie you told "He heard you", that person you cursed out "He heard you", that man or women giving you the love that you want (fornication) "God was there"
God forgiveness us time after time after time and we just slap him in the face after repenting the same sin over and over God becomes death to your request until you do what He wants you to do.

We are forgiven for our sins because of the blood of Jesus "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Matthew 26:28

This was on my heart to write because I often hold grudges towards people that hurt me, but if God is able to forgive me for my sins, why can't I forgive someone for hurting me.....